The other day I ran across the words of the ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu, who once wrote, "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for life."
The meaning of that saying is incredibly simple and chock-full of common sense. In other words, it's the kind of thing that can be foreign to those of us brought up in a world where two plus two can equal 150. A stitch in time saves us five, at most, because the other four went to the government, and Newton's third law has been revised to read, "For every action, there's an equal but opposite lawsuit."
In today's world, Lao Tzu's simple bit of wisdom doesn't cut it in a place full of many constructed gray areas. This is especially true for politics and politicians.
I began to wonder how Tzu's words would have to be altered based on each of the Republican and Democrat presidential candidates – along with some of the more obscure parties and current politicians – general philosophies.
Here's my best shot at it:
John McCain: "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Regulate fishing and tax bait with your good friends on the other side of the aisle, and the government gets control over that man and his money for life."
Barack Obama: "Convince the man that not fishing is "change," then he'll never know you don't know anything about fishing."
Mike Huckabee: "Give a man a fish, but not donuts. That's how I got so fat a while back. In any case, if you teach a man to fish, make sure to clear it with the NEA just in case you end up asking for its endorsement some day."
Hillary Clinton: "Give a man the tail of a fish that you took from a guy who knows how to fish. Tell him the tail is valuable. Filet the rest, nationalize filets, sell them for twice what they're worth and use a little of the money you made to pay schools to teach people to catch you more fish. Give that first guy Ramen noodles to eat. Do that every day, and you've fed him for life and maintained power in the process."
Ron Paul: "Give a man a fish domestically, and feed him for a day. Give a man a fish overseas, and you'll destabilize the dollar, the price of a fishing pole will triple and nobody will be able to afford the fishing class you were going to use to teach people to fish. None of this, by the way, is mentioned in the Constitution."
John Edwards: "Give a man a fish, and feed him for a day. Teach a man to sue the pants off the manufacturer of the salmon lure that got stuck in his finger, and feed both of you for life."
Ralph Nader: "Corporations that earn billions selling fish – both fresh, pre-packaged fillet and boxed stick varieties – can certainly afford to give the man enough fish to feed him for life. I'd be happy to teach the man to fish, but I can't because I don't own a car, so what are you lookin' at me for?"
Libertarian Party: "Stop teaching the man to fish. That's his father's job."
Socialist Party: "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Give a lot of people fish every day, and you've made 'em dependent upon you for life."
Communist Party: "Give a man a fish, and feed him for a day. Shoot the man, and you don't have to feed him at all."
Green Party: "Feed fish to a man, and you're a murderer!"
George W. Bush: "Human beings and fish can coexist peacefully, but there are times when you might have to take preemptive action against fish to feed the fella you're talkin' about."
Ted Kennedy: "Give a man a fish, and feed him for a day. Teach a man to make it look like he's fishing while bootlegging booze, and feed an entire family for generations. Besides, what's so hard about fishing? Heck, I found one in my glove compartment one time."
Note: All of the above are accompanied by major apologies to Lao Tzu.
Original Source